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Open adoption is a compassionate and increasingly popular option for birth parents and adoptive families. It offers a unique blend of connection and transparency, allowing birth parents to remain involved in their child’s life while providing adoptive families with a sense of continuity and openness. Of course, adoption is also a very difficult decision to make. As an expectant/birth mother, it is important to research your options carefully and understand the different types of adoption plans available to you: open adoption, closed adoption, and semi-open adoption.
In this article, we will explore what open adoption entails, the various ways it can be structured, and how it works to benefit everyone involved. Whether you are considering adoption or simply curious about the process, understanding open adoption is a crucial step towards making informed and heartfelt decisions.
What is Open Adoption?
Before you can understand what makes open adoption work, you must first understand what open adoption is. In its simplest sense, open adoption is a form of adoption that allows birth parents to know and have contact with the adoptive family. Depending on your state laws and the adoption agency you work with, you may hear open adoption defined differently. In fact, most everyone – even those who have placed their baby or adopted a child – will have their own definition of open adoption. This is because every open adoption plan is unique. No two adoptions are the same. At Adoptions With Love, we allow you to define what “openness” will mean for you and your child.
In an open adoption:
- Expectant/birth mothers are given the option to choose a family to raise their child. They can talk with them, meet them in-person, and have them at the hospital if they wish.
- Birth parents have some level of on-going contact or relationship with the adoptive parents and the adopted child, depending on what feels comfortable for everyone.
- Children know they have been adopted and may have relationships with their birth parent(s).
- Ongoing communication takes place between the birth parents and adoptive family, whether directly or mediated through an agency. Contact may involve letters, pictures, phone calls, emails, and in-person visits, whichever is most comfortable for everyone involved. (Some open adoptions involve just the exchange of letters and pictures. Some families celebrate holidays together. The level of contact is typically defined first by the expectant/birth mother and her adoption agency, then with the adoptive family).
How Does Open Adoption Work?
The way open adoption works largely depends on the level of openness. At Adoptions With Love, you will have the option to choose a fully open adoption (having direct contact with the adoptive family) or a semi-open adoption (in which our adoption agency will mediate contact, so that you can maintain privacy). Most domestic adoptions today are mediated, but still maintain some level of openness. For example, most birth mothers will choose a family for their baby. Many will also choose to meet the family before placement and find peace of mind in knowing the parents who will raise their child. All the families at Adoptions With Love agree to at least a semi-open adoption plan. Some families are fully open to direct contact, as well.
The way a fully open adoption works is through open, honest, and direct communication between an adoptive family and the birth parents. If you choose a fully open adoption, you and the adoptive family you choose will have identifying information about one another (phone numbers, email addresses, names, etc.). You will have a relationship with the adoptive family, and together will establish expectations for ongoing contact. For example, you may want the adoptive parents to send you letters and pictures of your child each year. Or, you may wish to have ongoing conversations via the phone, email, Skype, texting, or FaceTime. In a fully open adoption, it is important to remain flexible, as your needs and the needs and wishes of your child may change over time.
Roles and Responsibilities in Open Adoption
While open adoption gives birth parents the chance to stay connected with their child’s adoptive family, it is important to note that open adoption does not give a birth parent any parenting rights. You will have the chance to build a relationship with your child’s adoptive parents. This may involve direct contact with your child as they grow, depending upon your open adoption agreement. It does not, however, mean you will have visits alone with your child or caring for the child on your own. Your adoption agency can help you understand your role as the birth parent and help you navigate your open adoption plan.
Communication Between Birth and Adoptive Families
As you consider the openness you would like to have with your child’s adoptive family, you can consider the type of communication you will maintain. Do you wish to get updates and photos via text messages and/or emails? How about phone calls or in-person visits? The choices are yours. Your adoption agency can help you consider all your options and the best form of communication that will best meet your needs and make you feel most comfortable.
Types of Open Adoption Agreements
Open adoption can look different for everyone. Just as you can determine the type of communication you maintain; you can also determine the way your relationship will grow over the years. Would you like to stay connected with yearly letters and photos? Or would you prefer a more intimate relationship with phone calls and in-person reunions? There are countless types of open adoption agreements, but only you can decide which is best for you and your child.
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Benefits of Open Adoption
For the Child
Adoption means securing your child a safe, stable, and loving home. It is no secret that adoption is a positive experience for children. More than 90 percent of adopted children have positive feelings about their placement. Children adopted are more likely to be read to daily, sung to or told stories, and participate in extracurricular activities. Most children who have been adopted are in excellent health, and 3 in 4 live in safe neighborhoods with no characteristics of poor physical condition.
For Birth Parents
In a study conducted in the 1980s, birth mothers who chose adoption were less likely to live in poverty and receive public assistance, more likely to finish school, and more likely to be employed a year after giving birth. Birth mothers who choose adoption gain a sense of freedom, knowing they can move on with their lives after the adoption while knowing their child is safe, healthy, and deeply loved. With open adoption, birth mothers can rest assured that their goodbye is not “goodbye forever.” It is, in fact, the beginning of a new chapter with ongoing contact, as they build meaningful relationships with both their child and their child’s adoptive family.
For Adoptive Parents
Open adoption is a positive experience for adoptive parents. The lifelong bond with a birth parent is built on the mutual love for the same child. Open adoption also gives adoptive parents insight into their child’s background, including cultural understanding and medical history. As many adoptive parents who have worked with Adoptions With Love have reported, building a meaningful relationship with their child’s birth parent is just as rewarding for them as it is for the birth parent.
What Makes an Open Adoption Work Well?
You still may be wondering, “What makes open adoption work well?” This is a very important question to ask as you consider open adoption, and is exactly what we discussed in our recent eBook, “The Keys to a Successful Open Adoption.” In short, a successful open adoption is founded on a mutual love for the child and a focus on his or her best interests. It requires trusting, open-minded, and respectful relationships between both families. You can make open adoption work by:
- Keeping your child’s needs and best interest a top priority
- Establishing clear roles and expectations with the adoptive family in the very beginning
- Pursuing ongoing counseling to ensure your emotional stability
- Maintaining respect for everyone involved in the adoption, including yourself
- Preserving trust in your adoption relationships
- Always keeping communication open, honest, and consistent
- Staying open-minded and flexible as needs and feelings change
- Making your open adoption plan with an experienced, trusted, non-profit adoption agency who will be there for you both now and in the future (see how to choose an adoption agency here)
Navigating Open Adoption
There is no right or wrong way to make an open adoption plan. There are, however, steps you can take to ensure your adoption plan is a positive and successful one. How does adoption work, and how can you make it work? Find out more in our new guide, “The Keys to a Successful Open Adoption,” which you can download for free.
You may also contact Adoptions With Love to get started on your open adoption plan, or to learn more about our open adoption agency. We are available any time of day, any day of the week, to speak with you. Call us toll-free at 800-722-7731 or text us confidentially at 617-777-0072.
